There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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