Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
