Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize