i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
