i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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