I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
being pregnant is like rehab
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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