When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
