"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
there is puke in my bra ... again
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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