I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
