This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
