i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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