Banned from zoo.
Again?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
