My first STD was from a foam party
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
