You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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