Princesses don't give blow jobs
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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