I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
