Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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