Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
