You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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