You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
