umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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