He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
