got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I understand Curling. That high.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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