If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
try to milk me bitch
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
