Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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