I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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