DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
