Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
