And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she peed on how many people?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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