I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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