She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize