Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
