ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
