drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize