In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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