I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
