Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
