all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
