I want to make a zoo with you.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
