I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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