His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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