she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize