I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
