Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize