dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
