last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
