1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
