I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
