If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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