I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
