i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
