strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
