I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
