I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
