Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
