i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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