Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
