I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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