she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
