I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
