This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize