I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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