When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Still dying that you shit outside
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
