Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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