Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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