and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
