R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
