I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
