I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
