he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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