i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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