I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize