Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
