in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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