Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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