He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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