I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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