There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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