the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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