i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
