I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We are two peas in an std pod
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This is the high leading the old right now
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
