I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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