I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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