The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
