My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
