SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
nutella sex= disaster
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
