i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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