coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize