It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
