Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
