She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
