in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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