I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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