she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
