Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
