yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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