Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
